Millers' Time

You’ve heard of The Christmas Story movie? Well, this is Robin’s Thanksgiving Story.

Before Darrel died, when we realized he wasn’t going to be able to travel to Mexico where we have gone for the last dozen years or so, I asked my parents if they could be home in time for Thanksgiving. I wanted to fix dinner at our house with a few of the family. They changed their reservations to be home on Monday prior to the day.

Of course, Darrel didn’t make it that long but I still wanted to do it here since I hadn’t done Thanksgiving since my first marriage! We usually had it either at my parents, the Badgers, or a few times at my ‘other cousin’ Darryl’s house. I figured it wouldn’t bother me since Thanksgiving here wasn’t a tradition that Darrel and I shared, unlike Christmas.

I was pretty excited about cooking turkey dinner. Last Friday, I went to Costco and did most of the shopping. Came home and cleaned the fridge in the garage so I could put everything in there.

Last weekend I fixed a large pot of chicken stock for gravy, stuffing, etc. Put out bread to dry. Cleaned here and there around the house.

Monday I picked up the turkey and had it spatchcocked (look it up. A quicker way to cook a turkey and have more crispy skin.) I made the cranberry sauce. Cleaned the fridge in the house.

Tuesday I made the cornbread for the dressing. Decided to clean the oven and then the stove top. As I was cleaning the stove top I was noticing how dinged, scratched, and blackened parts of it were. I thought, Wow, it is 17 years old and looking it.

Wednesday I roasted the turkey backbone and neck in the oven. Dry brined the turkey. Made the ‘not your mama’s’ green bean casserole. Cleaned the Brussels sprouts and got them ready to cook.

I was in the back room and heard the stove beeping. I thought, what the heck!? I went in and looked and there was an F1 showing in the display. Uh, oh!

I googled it and saw that meant I needed a new control panel. Shiiiitttt!!!! I texted friend, Carl, who owns an appliance repair shop – Appliance Service Station (getting a plug in for you, Carl!)

As I was doing this, I seemed to recall that Carl had posted something last year about stupid people who clean their ovens the day before the big day of cooking. Ooops! Didn’t remember that in time, obviously.

He looked up the part and said it would cost $639 plus tax and told me I could buy one for not much more. He also said to try throwing the circuit breaker to ‘reboot’ the stove. Courtney did that and, low and behold, it seemed to work. I thanked Carl and went back to getting food ready.

About 5 minutes later, it started beeping again. Yikes! Courtney was just about ready to leave for work (2:30 PM – 11:00 PM) and my friend, Trish, had dropped something by. I was flustered and thinking, I could do the turkey on the BBQ or take it to the club. Trish quickly left seeing as how I was about ready to blow.

Courtney said if I bought a new stove, he could probably hook it up when he got home from work. I am getting more and more stressed by the minute.

Courtney left for work. I looked up stoves online. Ran to Lowes. Bought a stove. Helped load it into the truck. Came home and thought, Wow, that is too heavy for Courtney to get out of the truck by himself.

I called my friend, Bill Coleman, who got his grandson and came over within half an hour. They got it out of the truck and into the house. Whew! One crisis resolved.

I got the dressing prepped and ready. Fixed a bit to eat. Was exhausted and went to bed about 9:00 PM.

Did I mention that it is a gas stove? We also have a gas hot water heater, furnace, and fireplace. As I was trying to sleep, and not having any luck, it crossed my mind that when Courtney turned off the gas to install the new stove he would also have to start everything back up again.

I got up and wrote him a note to that effect. Then went back to bed with images of the house blowing up. Finally dozed off sometime around midnight. I had heard Courtney come in but knew if I got up I would never get to sleep.

I woke up in a sweat at 2:30 AM. Just minutes later Courtney peeked his head in and said, Mom?? I got up and he said he couldn’t get the hot water heater going and gas was pouring out. We went in and he read me the instructions which he said he had done. So, I told him to turn the gas off to the heater and we would worry about it later.

He said he had gotten the fireplace going but hadn’t started on the furnace yet. So, he worked on that and it was amazingly easy.

I went back to bed and again had visions of the house blowing up and thinking there would probably still be enough hot water for me to take a shower in the morning, and I could always heat water to wash all the dishes in the dishwasher before everyone got here. Finally got back to sleep though.

I woke up at 6:00 and went in to take my shower. Yep, hot water. Yay!

Then I decided I would probably use less hot water by using the dishwasher than doing them by hand. So, I started that. Then I cleaned up all the mess from the stove install.

When I went into the hot water heater room to get the vacuum, I smelled gas but could also tell the heater was on. I shut the door and hoped for the best.

Got the tables set up in the back room, decorated them, and put on the place settings.

Put the turkey in the oven. Yes, it worked! Got all the other fixings out and ready to cook. Turkey was done in 75 minutes! Let it rest for almost an hour. It turned out nice and moist and just about perfectly cooked.

People started showing up at 11:00 since we were eating at noon so Courtney could have some before going to work.

Made the potatoes, gravy, cooked the rest of the sides. Got everything on the table and ready to eat by about 12:02. What a relief.

Very thankful this Thanksgiving for a son that is as handy as his dad was. He even ended up going into the scary area under the house to put a new gas hose on at 1:00 AM!

I am also thankful for my friends and family who have been there for me the past 6 weeks!

Off to watch the Seahawks with the Wamsley’s now.

Hope everyone else has as great of a Thanksgiving as I did!

Overall, it has been a pretty good week. I haven’t been as weepy and am getting things done. I still have my moments where it is hard to believe that Darrel is really gone. And there are times when I think, Oh, I need to tell Darrel about this or that. I suppose that will never really go away. Keeping busy definitely helps, though.

Courtney was off until Friday when he had to go back to work on his ‘old’ schedule. Today started his ‘new’ schedule of Saturday and Sundays off and working 5-eight hour shifts, 2:00 PM – 11:30 PM. I can’t remember the last time he worked 8 hour shifts or a late one like this.

Monday we cleaned out all of Darrel’s clothes from drawers and closets. Then cleaned out a couple of closets of my clothes, shoes, and assorted other things. Courtney took a truck load to the Goodwill on both Monday and Tuesday. It felt good to get rid of it all.

Next I am going to get rid of the bedroom furniture that Darrel had when we met and that I have hated from the beginning. Big, heavy, dark stuff that took up too much room in our fairly small bedroom.

I spent time this week sorting out the bank business, rearranging closets and drawers, paying property taxes (yikes!) and writing thank you notes for flowers and all the help and support I have had. Again, I appreciate everyone who helped and who came to the ‘Soup Night’ last Thursday. It was a great event and really helped Courtney and I to see everyone!

On Wednesday, Courtney and I went out to my parent’s house. We visited for a while then Courtney went to a friend’s house for a birthday dinner. I went with the folks for mom and dad’s 64th wedding anniversary celebration at Black Angus with two other couples. We had a nice dinner and fun evening.

Thursday night I went to the Seattle Repertory Theater to see The Vaudevillians with Trish Keenan. It was hilarious! What a fun show! We laughed throughout the evening and the show went by very quickly!

Halloween was one of Darrel’s favorite ‘holidays.’ He loved seeing the kids all dressed up. I am sure it was because he was still such a kid himself, and he was remembering his days of trick or treating. He always gave out handfuls of candy to the kids. A couple years ago he went to giving out the BIG bars.

I had mentioned to my friend, Karen Hazzard, that it might be tough for me since it was Darrel’s thing to hand out the candy. She offered to come over and keep me company. She hadn’t handed out candy and seen the kid’s costumes for years since they never get any kids down their long, dark driveway. I fixed Friday Night Tacos and we had a good time looking at the costumes and visiting.

We used to get a lot of kids and I figured the word had gotten out about the big candy bars. However, there were probably only 4 or 5 big groups of mostly smaller kids, and a few small groups of 2 or 3. I don’t think we eve had 50 though. There is a lot of candy left! Need to get rid of it so we don’t eat it all!

Today was kind of a lazy day. My mom came over to visit and brought Courtney the tarp that she sewed together for him on her serger and a huge cabbage for me. Plus, she picked up dad’s coat that he forgot last Sunday.

I got a little quilting done. It was the first time I have sewed since the week before Darrel died. It was nice to kind of get back to the new ‘normal.’

I just fixed salmon and roasted vegetables for dinner for Courtney, his friend, Paul, and myself. It has been a while since we had a fairly normal dinner. The salmon sure tasted good!

Next week is another busy week. I have to pick up Darrel’s remains and death certificates on Monday. Then I have a doctor appointment on Tuesday. Wednesday is the lawyer appointment and then I am getting a free facial from my aesthetician! Such a nice person. And who knows what else will need to be done. But, as I said it is good to be busy!

This morning I went to log onto our BECU account and found out the online access had been closed! The bank received notice from Social Security that Darrel had died and he was the Primary account holder on that account. It was a joint account but it doesn’t matter!

The account was set up years ago and we were not asked who should be primary but I suppose because he was the ‘man’ it was done in his name. I later set up a couple of accounts in my name for our rentals and for a business account and since they were linked with our main accounts I can access it through my login.

However, all our bill payments were set up on ‘his’ account and I am not able to access those! The bank couldn’t even give me a list of the accounts and account numbers in the bill payment system. And, since I went paperless on all our bills, I can’t look at the bills to get the account numbers. I guess this is one of the problems of going paperless and all electronic.

(It also amazes me that a goverment that can’t do anything in a timely manner was able to notify the bank before I even get a death certificate.)

I did get a letter in the mail today, after I already went to the bank, telling me I have 60-days to close and open another account. It still didn’t say anything about the online access being suspended.

So, this is the warning: If you have joint accounts and one of you dies, get online immediately and get all the information you need before the bank shuts the access.

Also in the mail today was a late payment notice for a parking lot in Tacoma from October 9. I immediately blamed Courtney, as he has had a few parking tickets in the past.

We then checked and the license plate did not match any of ours. Then I remembered that we had received new license plates for the truck this year.

Checked the registration and, sure enough, it was the old license plate number. The license plates were changed out in August. Plus Darrel was not driving anywhere at night on the date in question.

I thought maybe someone had stolen the plates out of the garbage. I called the parking company, they checked with the site log, and they had entered the number into their system incorrectly. But, it was another bit of stress that I certainly don’t need right now.

Sorry, Courtney!

Frank & Trish have been great friends from DMYC for years now. They were also a part of our memorable Canada boating trip this year (and in past years.)

I got this letter via email at about 6:00 PM on Friday, October 17, but didn’t see it in time to read it to Darrel before he died. It meant a lot to me and would have to him too.

Darrel talked a lot about how the club had a lot of ‘older’ members (age is relative, remember) and that there weren’t a lot of ‘younger’ members who were active. The Keenan’s captured those sentiments in this letter to Darrel. I am so sorry that he wasn’t able to see it.

I had it printed for the Soup Night last week, but for those of you who weren’t there, here it is.

THE BRIDGE

Dear Darrel,
Some years ago you told the guys that you hoped to be the bridge between the older guys and the younger guys, passing on boating stuff from one generation to another. Well, you turned out to be the bridge, however, it wasn’t just between the older guys and the younger guys; you are the bridge for all who know you.
You have shown so many who know you how to take care of the planet, from your own land, to the yacht club to the fish in the sea. You just do what needs to be done and proceed without fanfare. Your interest in so many things is remarkable, from your garden, to your mushrooms, to your bees, fish and all living things. You and Robin so generously and selflessly share what you have with one and all.
I don’t think we have a count of how many Swabbies have learned to fish from the patient Darrel sitting on the dock with them, gently giving them pointers and encouraging them. Milo was fortunate enough to be one of them. We imagine the same can be said of Courtney’s Scout Troop. And really, this applies to the “old kids” as well. All are welcome on your boat for fishing and crabbing.
You are thoughtful in your ideas and in the expression of them and never afraid to voice your opinion, even when it’s the minority opinion, but always in a respectful way. You do see the good in others.
We love you and Robin and are fortunate to count you as some of our very best friends.
Frank and Trish

Carl Bryant and his lovely wife, Sara, and their two cutie-pie children, Waylon and Sydney, are part of our Des Moines Yacht Club (DMYC) family. Their wonderful parents, Bill and Judy, and their other son, Ken, and his beautiful family: wife, Ann, son, Gavin, and daughter, Megan, have all been very important to us these last years.

Ken and Carl were very helpful this summer on our boat trip to Canada, helping to fix the engine. Sara and Ann were fun for me to spend time with. And, both Darrel and I enjoyed all their kids. We haven’t been blessed with grandchildren, but it sure felt like we had some with Waylon, Sydney, Gavin, and Megan.

Carl wrote the following tribute to Darrel and posted it on Facebook within a few hours of learning of Darrel’s death. It was very special to me because it was so heartfelt.

Today the world lost a good man named Darrel Miller. My family and I are honored to have known him for the last 10 plus years.

Until we meet again, my friend, may your rod tip always be bent down, your pots are full, your beer is full and cold, your closet is full of Hawaiian shirts, and you have flip-flops on your feet.


Darrel and Sydney playing on the back of the boat in Canada.

It has been a week since we lost Darrel. It has been an incredibly busy, sad, weird, and even happy week. It was a week filled with family and friends.

Everyone keeps asking how I am doing.  I am surviving day by day.

I have shed LOTS of tears this week. One day it was just looking at the place where he sat to eat every night. Yes, we were one of those families who sat down and ate dinner together every night. In fact, on the day before he died, I fixed him some cereal for breakfast and he insisted on going to the table to eat.

But I have also had some laughs with everyone.  Either reminiscing about past times with Darrel, or just cracking up like any normal day.  Laughing about where to put all the beautiful flowers and plants that both Courtney and I have received.  It is like a florist shop in here! Today and yesterday I only got verklempt a couple of times, so that is a definite improvement.

However, it is true what they say – that everyone needs closure. The Soup Night on Thursday did that for me. I woke up on Friday and felt better even though I hadn’t gotten much sleep. I ran to Costco and picked up the food for an event at the club that I was cooking for today. Courtney and I then went to the club and got all of our stuff loaded up, then unloaded and put away.

We then spent a quiet night alone, but together, on our computers and also watching Food Channel shows. (Something Darrel didn’t appreciate watching.)

Last night I finally got a really good night’s sleep. Got up this morning and then went to the club and started cooking. As Courtney told someone, cooking seems to be therapy for me.

I decided not to attend the event tonight, though. I just wasn’t quite ready for a dinner and dance without Darrel.

Courtney took off this morning for Portland with a friend. They are going to places that Anthony Bourdain had on one of his shows. Wish I could have gone. That is my kind of vacation.

Mmmm, doesn’t that charcuterie plate look good!

Just so you know, I am going to continue blogging. Next I will be posting some tributes I received about Darrel. They were all so heartfelt and welcome reads for me that I wanted to share. Then, I will probably continue to put updates about me and Courtney, but also will do food and travel posts.

You can always UnFollow if it gets too much for you! But, I have received a lot of positive comments so will keep going for now.

Thanks for all the support and condolences throughout this time. It is very much appreciated.

I have to say that I am one lucky woman. I have the most amazing friends and family.

First and foremost, Courtney has been such a rock for me. I know he is suffering too but he has been there for me (and Darrel) all through this ordeal.

Today, I had an amazing group of people come and help me make the soup and get the ballroom at the club set up. I am not going to name people here because I don’t have my list and know I will forget someone. But, let me just say that there was a lot of meat cutting and browning, onion, garlic, and celery chopping, dish washing, and 80 quarts of soup done in an hour and a half!

Then there were those, and some of the same ones, who kept the food supplied, punch bowls filled, kitchen cleaned up, and garbage taken out. They are the same ones who help me time after time and probably get tired of me volunteering to cook for a crowd because they know they will end up helping. But they do every time and don’t complain (to me, at least!)

The ballroom looked great with Darrel’s bounty of apples, kiwis, and pear apples in bowls on every table. Party favors of honey for everyone to take home along with the fruit. A few Miller Lite coasters thrown in for a little added ambience. And many collages of pictures on the walls. Wow, were we ever really that young?!

Over in the corner was an ice cream cart full of a variety of ice cream bars. Who wants ice cream sundaes when you can relive your childhood of running out to the street when you heard the ice cream jingle coming down the road? What a treat for the adults and children alike!

But it was all the amazing friends and family that we have made over the years that made the evening so special. Some of them we have seen recently. Then there are others that we haven’t seen for a while but when we see them again it seems like just yesterday.

There were a few tears over the evening but more laughs, and that is just how Darrel would have wanted it.

Thank you all for coming and making it a very special evening.

Thursday, October 23, 2014
5:30 PM – 8:30 PM
Open House

Menu:
Pork Chile
Fixings for the Chile
Margaret’s Famous Cornbread
Darrel’s Favorite Dessert – Ice Cream – Make your own sundays (even though he just ate plain old ice cream right out of the carton on the couch while watching TV.)

Parking – There is very little parking at the club. Please, please park in the marina area to the North of Anthony’s. Notin Anthony’s lot directly in front of the restaurant. The little door will be open between Anthony’s and the club.

This is a casual soup night, not a funeral or religious function at all. Darrel and I had always meant for the retirement/60th birthday party in March to be his last Hurrah! But, since I had already announced a soup night and gotten such a positive response, I thought I would do it anyway for closure for us all. And do it at the club since there would probably be a few more than would fit in our home.

Come and enjoy a cup of chile, a little cornbread, maybe a scoop of ice cream. Socialize for a while but move on to make room for others. I figure those that come at 5:30 can make way for those getting off work and so on. No speakers to be waiting on. Just a soup and ice cream social.