Millers' Time

Gosh, I just re-read my last two posts and realized how much I information I had already given. Well, as you can imagine, it has been a difficult couple of days.

I just want to thank my family and friends who have been so supportive today and forever.

First and foremost, is our son, Courtney. He has been a rock through all of this. He has held me when I needed it and let me cry without comment, and been a good grandson to his grandmother Miller and grandparents Hall. The best memory in the last day was when he and I sat on the couch with Darrel yesterday and held his hands and let him know we were there. Actually, it was one of the last really coherent things Darrel said. “I can’t believe I am sitting here hold Courtney’s hand.”

Next, my parents have also been rock solid and have been devastated by Darrel’s loss. I think it is because my mom always said that Darrel would be the one to wipe her butt when she was in her final days. Not me, but Darrel. Oh, well, mom, I guess it will be me after all. My parents have always been so supportive and there for us. We have many years in Mexico to thank them for as well as many other things. It is great to have parents like them.

My mother-in-law, Wilma, has been devastated by losing her eldest son and her husband in the last 2 years. Darrel has always been so close to his mom. I am so glad she was able to be here yesterday morning while he was still semi-coherent. We talked today about how quickly he went even after seeing her about noon yesterday.

My BFF from 6th grade, Vanessa, was right here for me today as she has always been and always will be. Her and I and Darrel and Gary had many a good time together over the last 30+ year. She is one of those that is so loving and caring like those you see posts about on Facebook (which she doesn’t do.) The ones that say no matter how long it has been all you have to do is call and she will be there. That is Vanessa!

Darrel’s sisters, Julie and Diane, were among the first to arrive today and have been keeping in touch and checking in. Diane had dropped off a Superman pajama outfit for Darrel on Thursday. He put it on and I forgot to take a picture like she requested. Sorry, Diane, it was perfect.

Darrel’s BFF brother, Wally was here with his ‘naked’ kiwis. He has been a rock for Darrel these months. I know this has been hard on him but he persevered and took Darrel mushroom picking and helped cut wood in the last month or so.

And, other brother Ed…who had to support and be a caretaker for his father, 2 short years ago and has been a rock for Wilma too. I know how hard this has been on him, too. Thankfully, he went with us to Sitka for the fishing trip and was able to spend that time with Darrel.

Sister Barb and her husband, Jim, tried to get here earlier this morning but were flying standby and couldn’t get on the early flight. They did make it in about 4:00 and Courtney picked them up and brought them here.

I had already had plans for a group of our crazy DMYC friends to come by after they were out celebrating a birthday. I knew Darrel wouldn’t be up to going and a couple of days ago I realized that I didn’t want to go and leave Darrel for any length of time. I still wanted them to come by today and they did. We had a great ‘wake’ for Darrel.

Thank you, Trish and Frank, for bringing a cheese and cracker platter. Courtney and I hadn’t really eaten today so that saved us. Plus, I can’t thank you enough for the tribute you wrote to Darrel yesterday. I will publish is soon. You both have been such great friends to us.

Marilee was on a girls weekend up on Whidbey (or Camano?) and had her daughter come pick her up so she could be here. That meant a great deal to me as it wouldn’t have been a party without her. (Did I get that right this time, Mar?)

What can I say about Garry, also known as “Asshole,” besides the fact that he has always been there when we needed him and wanted to be here last night. But, we said no. I wish we had said yes. He has been a great friend to “Butthead,” otherwise known as Darrel.

Yvonne and Simon have also been stalwart friends throughout this ordeal. Yvonne has sent me encouraging cards for months on a regular basis, plus calling me and checking in. They have meant a lot to me. Darrel, being Darrel, said she was wasting her money, but I can tell you she wasn’t. Simon has also meant so much to me. He is one of those who doesn’t want to show his emotions, but is always giving me a hug.

Jan and Bill Lande were here too. Jan has been so great at texting me or calling me regularly to check in. Bill has been a great friend to Darrel these last months. And they were Board of Trustees together at the club which alwaysgave them something to talk (bitch) about. Especially lately! They are always asking what they can do to help and will do anything for us and others. They shared our last Seahawk game with us last Sunday. It has been funny that Darrel has been so much into the games this year and last. He was swearing at the team so much, it was kind of funny, because he hasn’t been as much of a fan as I over the years.

Karen Hazzard was here too. She has been so awesome sending me encouraging emails all the time. She is the sweetest person you could ever want to know. Always upbeat and positive. I wish I could be more like her.

And then there was Barb and Jim, again. They stayed with the crazy club friends for our mini wake tonight. Barb has been a constant for me. Calling me on her way to work in the mornings and talking about anything, not just Darrel. But especially quilting, which inspired me to get back with it the last few weeks which has given me an outlet to be in the house being creative but also close to Darrel.

Jim fit right in with the crowd and was a superstar, famous author for Marilee. I had lent her a copy of his book, Turn again, Ptarmigan and her granddaughter has loved it and learned a lot from it. She even got a ‘fan’ picture with him tonight.

Then there all those of you who have texted, called, and emailed your support today. Too numerous to name or even count. It just showed me how much Darrel meant to everyone. I just want to apologize for those I didn’t contact personally. It was hard to think much less talk to people today.

I want to give a shout out to Carl Bryant for the lovely eulogy he did for Darrel on Facebook today. It brought me and others to tears. I will also publish it soon.

I have to say that I married a really special person. He almost always had a smile on his face. He laughed out loud when reading the comics, something that always made me smile to see. As Vanessa said, he was the smartest person she ever knew. Even though he didn’t go to college. He really did keep up on things by reading the paper daily, doing crosswords and other things like sudoku. I don’t think he ever got a complete Sunday New York Times Crossword, though, much to his dismay. He was still doing crosswords as of Thursday.

His math skills always amazed me. He could figure out math problems in his head while I was still pulling up a calculator.

As you all know, his real passion was fishing. From an early age and until a few weeks before he died, he was fishing. The one thing on his bucket list that he wasn’t able to do was catch a marlin. He tried many times in Mexico and also in Hawaii. We had talked about doing a trip in the spring to the Pacific Coast down by Central America, but that isn’t happening now.

Even though we only had one child, he was always so good with children. I think he was most of his nieces and nephews, Favorite Uncle. He really enjoyed taking them out on the boat and fishing, crabbing, and shrimping with them.

As someone said today, he is up in his version of the ‘ever after’ with a 90 pound salmon or a 500 pound marlin on his hook constantly.

We told each other on Thursday how it had been a great ride and it really was. Love you and miss you forever.

What a day…

Darrel died this morning at 8:00.

It was amazing how quickly he faded. We had an appointment with Dr. Feldman on Thursday. Darrel was weak and I ended up using a wheel chair to take him back to the car.

On Thursday night at about 9:45 we were surprised to get a phone call from Group Health about Darrel’s test results. His platelets were low and his potassium was high. They wanted him to get retested on Friday as the test can sometimes be false.

So, yesterday morning I got him moving and we went over to Burien. The doctor called back about 12:30 and said the potassium was still high and that could affect his heart. Either erratic or just stop. I asked Courtney to come home at that point. There was a medicine that he could have taken that might have helped but we decided against it.

We had seen the hospice social worker and spiritual advisor on Wednesday but weren’t seeing the nurse until Friday. She came shortly after Courtney arrived home and we discussed the medication with her. She told us that the side effect would be major diahreaa. We talked with Darrel and he didn’t have the energy to be going to the bathroom that much. So it reaffirmed our decision. Shortly before she left she told us that she didn’t think his death was imminent. Boy, was she wrong!

He was aware for the most part all day. We put him to bed and had comfort medications from hospice. He was quite restless all night and I gave him some of the meds throughout the night. Then I got up a little before 8:00 AM and took a shower. When I got back to the bedroom, he was dead.

I woke Courtney and then started the phone calls, etc.

I hadn’t planned on doing a Memorial or anything for him since we had the big party in March. He and I both felt that was his ‘memorial.’

However, I have decided to go ahead and have the Soup Night on Thursday night. Hopefully, I will be able to have it at the club so that it will hold more people. I am waiting to have it confirmed that I can get it.

I will blog details in a couple of days.

Thank you all for your support through this difficult time. It has meant a lot to me and did to Darrel, also.

Not quite as exciting as the last one, but here it is…

This has not been a good week in the Miller household. Darrel went downhill but it wasn’t until today that he crashed.

He was actually doing okay and we had a good day yesterday all around.

We did have a doctor appointment yesterday at 1:30 and they did blood tests, as usual. We got a call last night shortly before 10:00 that his platelets were low. Well, they have been so okay.

Then we got another call about 10 minutes later that his potassium was very high and they wanted to do another blood test since sometimes there are false/positives with potassium

We went into Burien GHC at about 10 and they taxied the results to the lab since the doctor wanted them sooner rather than later.

The doctor called around 12:00 and I texted Courtney to come home, while I was talking to the doctor. He told me that the potassium levels were still quite high. That this could affect his heart to the degree that it could stop at any time.

There was a drug that he could take that might help but that the potassium level might not make a difference either. I told him Courtney and I would discuss it.

Then his nurse called to let me know that they did have the drug at Burien, if we wanted.

About that time the hospice nurse showed up. She told us that the side effect from the drug was major pooping. And for the possible short amount of time that it might help, we decided not to give it to him. We did talk to him about it before the final decision.

Soooo, he is not doing well at all. The hospice nurse said that he didn’t seem ‘imminent.’ However, with the potassium issue, nothing is known for sure. Not that anything is anyway.

I will update in the next day or so. We really don’t want drop ins at this point. Call, email, or text, please!

I should have started the soup night weeks ago. But we will see how this week goes and let you know.

Darrel Soup Nights – A Definition:

Soup Night for Darrel is an idea I came up with after reading, in various cooking magazines, about community soup nights. The ones I read about were to try to unite a neighborhood or community and were usually held once a month and at different venues each month.

This will be different! Darrel Soup Nights will be a way that friends and family can visit with Darrel and meet new friends or visit with old ones. The main connection is through our love for him.

It will also define a ‘safe’ time to visit. Instead of drop ins, or calls a few minutes prior, that catch Darrel napping or the house a mess ;-), we will know when to expect people. Darrel will also be able to be prepared by resting up for it. And he will be able to be in a comfortable position on his own couch.

There will be a defined period to visit: 5:30 PM – 7:30 PM. No earlier and no later, without prior approval. The concept is to drop in and drop out as meets your schedule. You can come for the whole 2 hours or just a few minutes of it. I might even try a lunch time one in the future.

The Nitty Gritty Details
Soup, bread, bowls, and spoons will be provided.

Important Factoid!!! Do Not Bring Any Food!. It is not potluck! I know it goes against most of our nature, but we don’t want or need a lot of leftovers. Darrel isn’t eating much at all right now. In fact, if there is food left, I will be sending it home with you.

BYOB– Bring your own drinking materials – whether it is booze or pumpkin lattes. There will always be water and some extras around here, of course, but that is the one thing I would ask you to bring.

Who?Children are welcome, dogs are not. Okay, before you dog owners get upset, we have chickens and a lot of garden area that is just not dog proof. And, there will be too many people to have animals (besides the men and children, that is!) inside the house.

When?At this point I am planning on Thursday nights. Next Thursday, October 23, will be the first one. Darrel is worried we will end up with 100 people at once. If that is the case, I figure people will stay 10 minutes, eat a bowl and leave. There will be others so everyone doesn’t need to come to the first one or every one. We will probably have one on the weekend every so often since Courtney finally has weekends off for a few months!!!

What?I will post on the blog at least the day before to let people know if it is happening and what will be served. Yes, some people probably won’t want to come for the meat lover’s special if they are vegetarian. And some of those meat lover’s probably won’t like tofu soup.

Why?I explained above, but, this doesn’t mean that you can’t come visit outside of Soup Nights. However, I would like to have a courtesy call and/or email beforehand. It is hard for Darrel or I to say no, but having visitors one after the other will wear him (and me) out. He is easily fatigued and rests a lot!

Let me know if you have questions. See you at the bottom of the soup bowl!

Darrel had a visit with Dr. Picozzi at Virginia Mason today. First they took blood so we could see if his blood work had improved or not. The platelets were lower and the bilirubin was higher. Also the red and white blood cell counts were down.

Dr. P said that there wasn’t any treatment that would be safe at this time, including chemotherapy. The disease is winning. We will be going back to Group Health now for palliative care. And, we feel like we know Dr. Feldman and his crew at GHC better than Dr. Picozzi and his.

Actually, Darrel has done pretty good the last few days. His long-time friend, Mike Lynn, came by on Saturday. Interestingly enough, he is also an oncology nurse.

They had a good visit. I think Darrel liked being able to talk to a friend about health issues, be understood, and get some professional insights. Next, his brother, Ed, came by for a visit. It had been a while since they had been together so they also had a good visit. (I was happily quilting almost all day on Saturday.)

Saturday, we had a very pleasant afternoon and evening. It was nice out, we watched some Huskies and some baseball. Courtney was camping for the weekend.

Sunday, Jan & Bill Lande came over to watch the Seahawks with us. Not sure if that was what jinxed the Seahawks but something obviously did!

Overall, though, he has had a good few days.

Just a quick post…Darrel is not doing very well. Yesterday, he spent most of the day on the couch. He did watch a couple of (baaaddd, in my opinion) movies. His mom stopped by and actually sat through most of one of them – Noah.

Today I went to visit my mom and dad. Mom and I went and did a little ‘shopping’ and had lunch. Darrel did get out and dead-head the dahlias. Courtney finished stacking the wood pile and I guess Darrel helped clean up a bit in that area. He also cleaned up some of the stains on the rug in front of his couch position!

He is not eating much but is trying to drink some Ensures with egg protein powder (thank you, Diane Sewell!) at least a couple times a day.

We have a lot of small eggplants in the garden so I found a recipe for a lamb and eggplant baked casserole. It was pretty good but Darrel only ate a few bites.

I think I have given up cooking for a while after this. Nothing seems to appeal to Darrel and the fridge is getting full of leftovers.

More after the doctor appointment on Monday.